Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Valley of the Dead Edits

Going through the manuscript again, this time with the great editing skills of Louise Bohmer! Tightening it up great for the trade paperback release next year!

Have worked my way through to one of my favorite paragraphs in the whole thing, as they camp on the edge of the burning plain:

"An icy wind began to blow, swirling the ash around them like a dirty, grey blizzard, except the sickening snow stung like a maelstrom of ground glass. Dante drew his knees up and pulled a blanket over his head, crossing his arms in front of himself to pull the fabric tight across his cheeks, leaving just a gap for his eyes. He watched the others do the same, their motions slow and stiff, the way ghosts or people in dreams move. They could’ve been four survivors on the Anatolian plains, with the ashes of fallen Troy raining down on them as they bided their time waiting for the inevitable, fated rebirth of their people. Or they could’ve been four of the damned on the outskirts of Gomorrah, the salty, toxic exhalation of an unknown, jealous God wearing away every trace of them, as they waited for a sunrise their burning, tear-filled eyes would never see. The feeling of Bogdana’s body pressing against him could not tell Dante which of these two worlds they now inhabited. It could only tell him that he could endure either. "

I'm gonna come out and say it: this description, along with the blasphemer in the next chapter, is better than the original.

1 Comments:

Blogger LouiseBohmer said...

Thank you, Kim! I'd love to see you modernize the complete Divine Comedy. If anyone could do it well, it's you!

1:24 PM  

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